how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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