and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
