i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
