weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
