you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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