can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
