He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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