HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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