Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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