I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My bed smells like the plague
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
