worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
