i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
