Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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