Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
