i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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