I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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