my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
