Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
someone threw a dead crab at me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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