I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
