Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
