Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
