There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
