I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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