the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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