Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
