I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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