we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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