I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
