i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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