I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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