saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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