It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
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Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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