Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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