I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
