Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
