He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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