i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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