Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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