dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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