Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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