The maid of honor just puked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
