apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize