Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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