At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
