what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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