some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Randomize
