Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
