well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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