So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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