if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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