well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
