I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
