I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
