Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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