I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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