I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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