The maid of honor just puked.
i just had sex bonerless
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
