Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
