For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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