i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
