Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later