so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm the Oprah of jello shots