ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
