Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.