I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.