When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.