So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize