Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
