Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
