grandma shit on top of the toilet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
