I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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