I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
