apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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