i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
