U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
