i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
