This is not my ceiling
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
