Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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