apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize