Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
