I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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