literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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