I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
