I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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