I can text with my tongue
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
